Wandering between wonder & routine

O Eternal One, it would be easier for me to pray
     if I were clear
            and of a single mind and a pure heart;
     if I could be done hiding from myself
          and from you, even in my prayers.
But, I am who I am,
     mixture of motives and excuses,
          blur of memories,
               quiver of hopes,
          knot of fear,
                tangle of confusion,
                     and restless with love, for love.
I wander somewhere between
      gratitude and grievance,
            wonder and routine,
                high resolve and undone dreams,
                     generous impulses and unpaid bills.
Come, find me, Lord.
Be with me exactly as I am.
Help me find me, Lord.
     Help me accept what I am,
          so I can begin to be yours.
Make of me something small enough to snuggle,
      young enough to question,
           simple enough to giggle,
                old enough to forget,
                     foolish enough to act for peace;
     skeptical enough to doubt
          the sufficiency of anything but you,
     and attentive enough to listen
          as you call me out of the tomb of my timidity
               into the chancy glory of my possibilities
                    and the power of your presence.

– Ted Loder, “Guerillas of Grace”

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