pain in the silence

if God is as big as we say God is, then God must love any kind of prayer we give God. we pray with the life we live. we pray through our choices and decisions. we pray with friends, in groups, in silence.

it’s been said a million times before but we keep saying this because it is so difficult. life is too busy. too fast. some of us are so busy doing things for God that we rarely spend time with God. it is silly how we set aside time for TV shows and computer like its the end of the world. when an ohio state football game is coming up, i clear my entire schedule.

i’m having difficulty with prayer lately if you can’t tell. everything else comes first. i’ve been beating myself up about it.

then something clicked in chapel today at school. there’s a reason its hard for me to slow down. there’s a reason i absolutely dread silence and stillness.

it hurts.

my shoulders burn, my neck stings, my legs are sore, my back is aching. fibromyalgia doesn’t take time off when i come to God in prayer.

i’ve always known i don’t do well in group prayer where the Spirit moves and we can be praying for quite a while. i get very uncomfortable and begin to dread prayer. as long as i keep moving through life, i can ignore pain.

my journey with God is rounding a corner as i look for other ways to pray. i long for stillness and the silence with God. but what do I do when it hurts so badly?